"I won't have to engage; I will not yet engage; I will not yet engage. No matter get from it mean, cruel or hurtful things he says, does or accuses my hand of, I will not yet engage. "
I can't tell you how frequently that verse has had my head, since my husband was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder II, superimposed with Placing it Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
I know very well what you're saying "sure, easier said then done". I agree, it's not easy, but it is amongst the best coping skills I've developed for air out of the new air balloon (a/k/a bipolar disorder) before it rises too high on the horizon. I understand that each and every he's pushing your keys and being completely irrational, of course, you prefer defend yourself. You just have to inform him that what he's saying is wrong! You just have to tell him that you don't deserve what he's making you! You just have to tell him merely how much it hurts when he tells these things! You just have to inform him he's being a cool! But saying any of these things in the center of an episode will grant nothing except to gas the propane tank that blasts that heated air into the balloon. Just imagine and be honest with ourselves, without that blast, how much time can the balloon strike?
Prior to finding out your man was suffering from Bipolar disorder, and quite frequently I need to add, he would get strongly angry for seemingly ridiculous reasons and saying mean and terrible ideas to me. Being the less than perfect, independent woman that Internet marketing, I would fight bottom, defend myself or simply tell him how insane he appears to be. The result: more hate, crueler comments, more accusations and then some volume until eventually one of us would walk out or disappear with doors slamming, tears flowing, and threats of divorce process or worse lingering under the sun. I was always devastated with what he said or things he said he was going to do. Sometimes he'd leave within the hour or for is essential day. Either way he'd usually bounce back and act as if nothing ever happened. "Hey sweetie what's up" followed by "what's your problem" when i didn't happily respond for all his return. Did he ignore what he said? Did he ignore what he did?
As I came to find later the option is NO, or at least not significant of it. Through many hours of research, supported by my conversations with some other therapists and psychologists, I determined that he probably only remembered about 25% or a reduced what was said actually done.
That fact brings me to the obligatory reason why not to engage - you may be fighting with your partner - every time we open fighting with the herpes, you are fighting with bipolar disorder.
Yes it's frustrating, it's frantic it's demeaning. When you first make full use of this technique is practice and it could appear that your silence is infuriating him and even more but stick with it because somewhere deep inside in the memory banks it will begin to register that this physical exercises serves no purpose, reaps no rewards and that you are no longer going to allow this disease to control you or your relationship.
I can honestly concede we haven't had one of "those" fights in number of years. I'm not saying that there're no longer episodes or many of don't have disagreements but employing this technique, and others, we've accepted the responsibility either to fight fair or emerge when we start heading responsible direction.
We are constantly adding tools to the arsenal of skills and methods to prevent the indications of bipolar from destroying a person's relationship. In future articles I will share the very other successful coping means we use to manage the affects of bipolar disorder on our relationship.
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